A positive pregnancy test typically brings out a lot of feelings in the person or couple receiving it. For the pregnant person, a wanted pregnancy is the start of a transition into parenthood, and suddenly they’re flooded with information (solicited or not) and change. Supplements to take, foods to avoid, morning sickness remedies, new clothing, preparing a nursery… it’s easy to become overwhelmed. The partner of the pregnant person may not feel this transition as early, and some may find themselves wondering where they fit in to all of this and what their role is. Here are the three most valuable ways to support your pregnant partner through pregnancy, labor, and birth.

1. Emotionally

Be sensitive and considerate of the birthing person’s needs and wishes. Listen to their fears and concerns, and talk about your own. It’s common for parents-to-be to find themselves questioning if they will be a good parent, at some point, and it helps to discuss those feelings with your partner. You should also be prepared to discuss birth plans and options. For example, if you believe the only option is a hospital birth but your partner mentions they’re interested in a home birth, it’s best to talk about this early on. You may want to do some of your own research on birth and baby-related topics: What is Pitocin? Does the bag of waters always break first? How do you swaddle a baby? Check out your options for a quality childbirth education class, where both of you can go and learn everything together. Consider hiring a doula! You can rely on them to assist you both in navigating your options and the evidence behind them. A doula can arm you with the information you need to sit down and have the important conversations. We’ve gotten our fair share of emails and texts from partners who have questions or concerns or are looking for an unbiased ear to listen and help. We’re here to support you, so that you can best support your pregnant partner.

2. Physically

Labor is hands-down the most difficult physical work a birthing person will ever do, and supporting the person you love through that can be difficult on you as well. First babies typically take their time; and those labors can be long, exhausting, and emotionally-draining. Be prepared to lose sleep and give yourself fully to your partner, offering whatever comfort you can bring. Many birthing people need a lot of physical support and comfort, and they will likely look to you for that over their doula or other support person. A childbirth education class and/or doula can teach you the tools you need to help your partner get through childbirth, and help you feel confident in doing so. We even know tricks to make certain comfort measures just a tad bit easier on you! “Slow dancing” through labor doesn’t need to send you to the chiropractor (although we strongly suggest you both see one after labor anyway!) Not to mention, being physically close with the person you love during labor also increases oxytocin, which helps to stimulate contractions. Holding your partner during labor can actually help your baby come faster! The birthing person may not always want to be touched during labor or they may simply want your hand to squeeze, but your physical proximity is almost always welcomed.

3. Mentally

At some point during labor, the only thing you can do for the birthing person is to hold space. What does that mean? Space holding is the simple act of “being there” for someone. Being available to them when/if they need you, and being emotionally present for them. Often, holding space is all you can offer during a long early labor, when your partner may not need much or any physical support, but may want you present in some form. Whether it’s being readily available by phone if you’re still at work or sitting near them on the couch while you binge Netflix, making it clear to the birthing person that you are going through this alongside them is so important throughout that first phase of labor. When you are physically with them, consider turning off your cell phone or the television (if they are no longer interested in it) to show them that you are present in the moment with them. This small act can bring a laboring person so much comfort. One of our clients last year endured a very long labor, and for much of it did not wish to be touched or even spoken to. Her husband, not sure what else to do, was on his phone. At some point, her husband felt compelled to put his phone down and just sit with her, quietly. A few weeks later during our postpartum visit with them, she recalled this moment and told her husband that her fondest memory of labor was when he turned off his phone and sat next to her. He was surprised she was even aware of this moment, and even more so that she was comforted by him “doing nothing but watching her.” The act of space holding isn’t as well-known or visible as other forms of support, but it’s value is felt deeply by those who receive it.